It’s Too Good To Use?!
By Veronica Smith – 45 CommentsHave you ever made a gift and the recipient hasn’t used it? Have you taken offense? I know I have been very upset when something I have made ends up hidden in the cupboard or the guest room that never has guests in it.
I am sure it has happened to some of you – however I hope it hasn’t – giving the perceived unwanted gift. The gift you have slaved over with thought and love and they have no idea what went into it. Gifts that you spend hours on to find they are stuffed in a spare bedroom that is a totally different color when you thought it would be nice in the lounge. Nobody wants to be put on a pedestal but a genuine thanks would be nice don’t you think?
Think again my crocheting friends.
Annoyed and/or deeply hurt you make the decision that you will be hitting the shops for some people this year. I am pretty sure some of my gifts over the years have been unwanted – that’s life. However I had an experience with a person I had given dishcloths to, they seemed to be appreciated so I kept doing them, probably 10 or 12 over time. I must admit I had not visited her home for a long while as we met in a location middle distance to our homes. I was finally there, at her home and I ventured into the kitchen – no dishcloths. Hurt, I came to my senses and thought they might be in the wash – all of them – unlikely, so the next logical step is that they were worn out – not possible in the time frame. So I got brave and asked. That’s when things changed. She opened the cupboard and showed me a very neat pile of dishcloths, all untouched. Apparently they were ‘too good’ to use. I had a similar experience with an afghan that was always in the cupboard, apparently it would get ruined if it was used. Also some cushions I embellished with flowers – apparently they were too good to use in case somebody sat on them.
Please folks, attach a note to your gifts explaining that you made it with love and a requirement of the gift is that they love it to death – literally. That you will make them a new one when the other is thread bare.
So before you get all upset, assume the best.
Were your gifts ever too good to use? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below!
I have made countless dishcloths as gifts over the years. I let the recipients know that they are meant to be used and that they wash dishes so much better than the store bought ones. I have even told them to let me know when they are worn out so that I can make more because I enjoy making them so much. My mom and aunt say they are too pretty to wash dishes with and use them for doilies instead, so I guess it’s better than not using them at all…
I used to make afghans for my friends when they were expecting babies. Not anymore. I would love to think the best, but I can honestly say out of the dozen or so that were made, I never saw one of them used. Too much time goes into them not to be used. Honestly, I’d rather make things for my kids who will love them to death.
I made a baby blanket recently for a friend when she had her fourth baby. After a couple of months I saw pictures of the baby with t-shirts and onsies people had given her but not my pretty blanket. So I finally asked her where the picture of the baby with the blanket I made was…and she told me the blanket was in a closet because it was too beautiful to use it might get ruined. I promptly told her it was made to be used and could stand up to use, get it out and use it. In fact, told her I expect to eventually see pictures of her daughter playing with it with her dolls when she is a toddler. No pictures of it yet…but I had another friend who posts pictures regularly of her baby with the things I have sent. I have now made her 2 blankets and a hat that she loves and uses daily. It is part of the giving that you hope they use your gifts with the love and understanding that you put into them. But you have to accept that some people won’t use them daily. I do include notes that say to use my afghans and that they are machine washable, follow-up with phone calls repeating the same information, I think it helps get the message across.
I had this experience with a hand embroidered quilt I designed and worked to complete over 14 months. The recipient cried when she opened the gift, and took it out of her closet to show a few friends, but it has never been displayed other than that. I was hurt, but realize that once we give a gift, our involvement is over. It is the recipient’s decision to do what pleases.
I have not experienced this…yet, however, my friend had gotten some washcloths from my grandmother for Christmas and when I was at her house, I noticed it and got it out to wash my nephews face with it. She immediately screamed saying not that one! I looked her like she was crazy and then she explained to me that she doesn’t use those washcloths b/c they are ‘too good’ to use. She didn’t want to ruin them. 🙂 It made me smile to read this, thank you for sharing Veronica.
A few of my gifts are like that. I’m making a sweater for my little brother and I hope he wears it or I will severly punish him. He’s only 8, but I think he may appreciate what is put into a gift more than others might.
I have been making twin sized blankets for my grandsons (5). Before I make each one I ask the recipient what color(s) he would like in the blanket. Then they get to see me working on it. When I’ve give each of them the blanket, their eyes light up. They are used even when the weather does not call for a blanket. I think that the secret is to make sure that the child is old enough to have favorite colors and to express his opinion. When they have input into the colors they get more attached and will really use the blanket.
I completely understand – however I feel very privileged that the blanket I made for my first grandson is regularly used and I have seen photos displaying it as well. And then a granny square blanket made for a friend’s baby – I am constantly being told by the new mum that her daughter loves her blanket. I am part way through a chevron blanket for second grandchild due in the next few weeks – and I am sure this one will be well used as well.
Sabrina ,
Could you please post your pattern for dishcloths..Thank you…I would like to make some…
I include washing instructions with all my handmade gifts. Once people realize they can be washed, the are usually ok with using them. I also remind folks that handcrafting things tend to last longer and everyone can remember that (blanket, hat, pillow, toy) their grandmother made which is still hanging in there, so many years later.
I have made many dishcloths over the years for my in-laws, including mother in law, sister in law, niece in law etc. They absolutely refuse to use them because they were to “pretty”. Even when I told them it was okay. I think stubborness must run in “that” family. I love using mine! They last so much longer then the store bought!
After reading this post, I must confess that I am in the “too pretty to use” category myself. I just started using an afghan that my sister-in-law made for me about 6 or so years ago. I do use the dishcloths that my mom made me (but I use them as doilies). They are much too pretty to use to wash my greasy dishes and I do have a dishwasher. I have a cousin that I embroidered pillowcases for her wedding. Every time she sees me, she compliments me on them, but they sit in her closet because they are too nice to use. I always tell her I will make more, but she still doesn’t use them. And…. now I know how they feel.
I would also like to have instructions for the dishcloths mentioned, I am always looking for something to use when I run out of paper towels…LOL!! No, but really I am serious about the pattern question, thanks!
ha ha ha good question. i have had the eye roll, the oh ya wow ya thanks, uummm nice, oh well ya um nice color choices….i just laugh inside and wonder if they have any clue how long it took to create the gift ?
i just love the thank you notes. i crocheted hats and booties and boots for a friends daughter when they found out a baby girl was on the way. the daughter sent me a heart felt tear jerking note of gratitude. i kept that one . so there are those whom do really appreciate the gits.
a few of my gifts were custom designed for infant photo shots for friends whom have photo studios and that is fun to see my work on these adorable babies…..
keep up the crocheting !!
When my long awaited granddaughter was born I gave her the most awesome crocheted & embroidered afgahn. (I make great creations-hey I give a pat on the back to me for my one & only talent! (lol))Anyway, I was thrilled to see my daughter-in-law pre treating it to get hot chocolate out of the white yarn. She was using it! The baby was living with it everyday! People were seeing what her Grammy made her. I was & am so happy!
I made my great niece a tote bag made out of summer colors, something she could take to the beach with her. I gave it to her and she kinda mumbled “thanks”, and when she left my house after an extended stay I found the tote bag crammed into the back of a closet. That really hurt my feelings, before I ever started to crochet the tote bag i asked her if she’d
like one to take to the beach, she said yes, she even picked out the yarn from yarn that i had been saving for somehting special. So I think I have learned my lesson I am not going to work and slave over something just to have it thrown into a closet. I will only make things that I get request for and from people that I know will use the item.
For the couple people that wanted a good dishcloth pattern, I have tried many different patterns- some lacy pretty ones and some more plain, but I always go back to this one:
http://www.kaleidesigns.com/crochet/patterns/archive/dish007.html
It’s very plain, but you can do color changes to make it “prettier” for gifts. You can whip up a few in an evening while watching tv and they are very durable. They are great for scrubbing and after putting through the wash, they are good as new! You can also make the pattern into a long rectangle to make great dishtowels to go with it.
I would like to learn how to make bobbles and how to change colors. I have tried and tried to change colors properly but I just can’t figure it out. I would also like to know all the different types of yarns there are out there and which yarn works best with certain pattens. Good luck to everyone! :0)
I made an afghan for my mom. She picked out the colors and I crocheted it. She has never used it but uses a regular blanket cause she is always cold in the living room.
I grew up in a “crafty” family – you name it, someone in the family does (or did) it – and I’ve always known that handmade things are meant to be used. But I don’t really have any attachment either way as to whether someone uses or “saves” something I’ve given them. Sure, I’d like to see it in use – but I’m always just a teeny tiny bit sad to see things get worn out even though I’m perfectly capable of making more.
I have to laugh at the way attitudes have changed toward fiber arts of all kinds, even in the course of my 58 years – from “I made it (usually out of dime-store acrylic) because I couldn’t afford to buy it” to “WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, THAT’S AWESOME!! and that yarn, it’s so FAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!!” (I’m still in the “dime-store acrylic” economic bracket, but the WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, THAT’S AWESOME!! part is priceless, LOL!)
Having said that… as far as I’m concerned, display counts as “use.” My mom shows a lot of her work in quilt shows, and if she’s made a quilt as a gift she’ll leave the rod pocket in place so the recipient can either hang the quilt on the wall or use it on the bed.
In fact, if someone decides to display your work instead of “using” it, good for them – and you! You can be proud of the fact that someone thinks your work is “art.” Offer to help mat & frame those lovely lacy doilies, washcloths, or what-have-you that are “too nice to use” and get years and years of oohs and aahs…and your work won’t wear out or spend 99% of its time in the closet or the laundry basket. Everyone wins!
I’d just like a THANK YOU. I give the gift, mail it out, and never a “gee I got it”, “thanks for thinking of me”, “the colors are great”. NOTHING. These are people who DO realize how long it takes to make something.
I once gave a baby layette, bonnet and little jacket. The pregnant woman took it out of the bag, said, gee, nice, and CRUMPLED IT UP and PUT IT BACK IN THE BAG and proceeded to oooh and aaah over plastic toys she got for the baby.
Needless to say, I have a hard time giving hand made gifts to a lot of people. My sisters and mum, now they’re on board. They KNOW and ADORE and USE and LOVE and THANK me for gifts.
So I’m choosy who I give to. But when I do, LOTS and lot of love goes into each gift.
@ Mindy,
I’m sorry to hear that 🙁
@bek – ROFLmeow from me & my mom both! =^..^=
I have the opposite problem: thus abuse them or give them to someone else. I have 45+ years of crocheting experience and consider myself a Master @ crochet. In fact, my nickname is “MOTH” Mistress of the Hook.
And yet some people abuse the items, or just give them away.
Recently I quit being friends with a adult female because she insisted that I crochet for her 18″ doll, and then aqfter 6 months she just gave the stuff away.
Now I corchet only for my dolls and myself.
Autumn
Hmmm – I was really hoping that nobody had experienced sadness through gift giving but i was wrong. I am sorry to you all who have had bad experiences. Not only does it prevent you from making them something and just hitting the shops for a gift, it can make you think of the person differently.
For those of you with wonderful experiences – CONGRATULATIONS.
All the best for future gifting.
I do feel a little upset if my crochet gifts aren’t used. I try to only give to people who I think will appreciate the effort I put into these things. I do realize some people don’t have my same interests, so I try to keep that in minds when deciding who I will give to. I do try to tell people they are to be used and I can always make more when worn out.
Happy crocheting.
I just went through this when I made your cocoon set Rachel for my grandson,his mother said it was to hard to get him in and out of it.Boy did I feel real stupid as I have crocheted dolls for my only grand daughter(yes same mother)but yet I do not see any of them when I am at their house.Shame on me,but I took another chance and made the same cocoon set for my niece in california(?) and she adores it and better yet uses it every night (only way baby will sleep)So long story short I am very picky for whom I make gifts for.
P.S will send you a picture of my great nephew in his cocoon
My sister begged me to make Christening outfits for both her boys. Not just one but she said they had to have new ones for their second child. Well, the oldest boy and his wife didn’t think they were good enough for there children, which my sister didn’t tell me when it came to the second. Needless to say, they were sold at their garage sale. I only hope whoever bought them put them to good use. Her younger son, well they didn’t have their children baptised, and only God and them know what happened to them. When they were to have their third child I told my sister not to even ask. Just lately the neighbor boy and his wife had their first child and they couldn’t thank me enough for taking the time to make something for their little girl. So I guess some people like them and some don’t—-Oh Well. thats life as a crocheter!
I spent two months crocheting a dress for my niece. When I hadn’t heard anything from my SIL a month after she got it, I asked her if she liked it. That’s when I found out that it had been too small. She didn’t even bother to tell me or thank me. I have a feeling it ended up at Goodwill. For Christmas last year, I made them both matching shrugs and I again got no response, no pictures, I have no idea if they ever wore them. They’re getting store-bought stuff from now on.
People really just have NO idea how much work it takes to make something like that. Or how much yarn. It’s not just something you can knock out in a day, especially if you work!
From now on, I’m not making things for people unless I know they’ll get used. I’m making blankets for charity and stuff for people that I know will appreciate them.
I’ve had this happen a couple of times. Years ago, it was a crocheted bear that sat on a shelf until I asked about it. Mom said, “Oh, no! He’ll destroy it!” I told her that I make toys to be destroyed, I have the pattern, and if he managed to destroy it (and good luck with that!) I would simply make another one. Then, promptly took the toy off the shelf, and told the little guy to “go long!” We played football with it until Mom figured out that the toy would not meet an ugly end, and he dragged it around until it was time to give it to his child.
Most recently, it was my grand-niece’s baby blanket. All single crochet, but four strands thick and made with a Q hook, my niece was petrified that the baby will kill it, get it filthy. I explained that it was built to take the abuse, and took it from the shelf, tossed it on the floor, and put the baby on it. Seeing my relaxed attitude, Mom relaxed, too. Now my little grand niece drags her blanket everywhere in the house, the yard, to the park…and it goes into the wash after, comes out sparkling. This baby also drags the giant cross-eyed purple puffin that I made for my mother some twenty years ago, passed down when my mom passed. It’s as big as she is, and she sleeps on it.
As for dish cloths, I don’t make them as gifts. I make scarves, instead. During our Connecticut winters, scarves always get used.
I have two adult daughters for whom I love to crochet. Daughter #1 always oohs and aahs over my gifts. In fact, she makes a point of wearing one of my gifts whenever we are together. Daughter #2, however, is a different story. For my one and only grand daughter I crocheted her Christening outfit out of number 10 crochet thread. It had a hat and little shoes to match the beautiful, long dress which had a scalloped bottom and narrow ribbon woven through. Although she did have it on for the ceremony, back at home for the party, it was another story. Most of the pictures show her in the slip I had sewn and embroidered to match. It was a very pretty slip, but it was a slip! This outfit took me sooo long to complete, and I showed her pictures on line where these outfits sell for a few hundred dollars. I had dreams of this outfit being lovingly wrapped and saved as a family heirloom. (I had done the same for my daughters’ Christening outfit, which their grandparents had lovingly BOUGHT at a store.) She thanked me and then asked me if I could cut it off or shorten it somehow so if could be worn at a wedding.
I made a beautiful doily for a centerpiece for my brother-in-law and his wife, instead of using it they spent money on having it framed, saying it was art work! I guess I was proud.
Here is another perspective:
When I was little my grandmother crocheted me a soft pink pillow and embroidered “angel” in the corner.
My mom put it away in a plastic bag for most of my childhood.
Growing up I would always run into the pillow while I was searching for clean sheets. Seeing it would make me smile and think of my grandma.
Now I am 25 years old and the pillow still sits in my closet. My grandma has since passed, and I am very glad I still have the pillow, almost in pristine condition.
I would be sad if I has accidentally ruined it as a child.
It is now more like an heirloom to me.
reading responses about gifts put aside and ignored brought back feelings which at first made me unhappy and growl at my in laws now i just have to laugh so i do not get angry. i had my husband choose yarn for a christmas gift afghan. he picked out the pattern also. i worked and worked on the afghan. i also crocheted one for my parents different color and pattern. well my mother uses hers to this day ( this gift was given 18 yrs ago) and shows all who comes over the afghan. my mother in law immediately said ‘eeww’. gave it to their cat ! the cat tore it up and peed all over the thing. they finally washed it and gave it back to the cat. when my mother in law passed through the eternal veil i found the afghan smelling like cat pee looking so sad. i cried over all the hours and love i poured into the afghan. we tossed it out because of the smell. ya never trust hubby to pick out yarn or pattern…
to melanie~ i have two pillows my grandma created. a dear aunt whom just passed gave them to me since i did not get anything when her mother my grandmother passed through the eternal veil. i place these pillows on my bed with the warning ‘do not lay on, put feet on etc’. when i look at them i smile. i miss my grandmother. she has been gone from us since 1972. she is the only grandmother i knew. so show off your pillow with the warning of ‘no touchy’. heirlooms are best cared for and shown with care
Being the mother of 2 sons there are some sacrifices you have to make. With both of my sons when they told us we were going to be grandparents came right out and told me they didn’t want me making the christening outfits. Son #1 said that his mother-in-law was going to have hers cleaned, son #2 told me that he thought it was kind of old fastion. Both of them told me I could make sweaters, hat and blankets. I have found it hard to make things for them ever since that. I did make a summer dress, hat and mittens for winter and a sweater and hat for spring but have never seen any of them. One of my daughter-in-laws girlfriends love the sweater and hat and kept looking it over. When we got home that night I pulled out some yarn that I had and made the girlfriends son a sweater and hat. I recieved the nicest Thank You card from them. Both of my sons have bragged to people how I knit and crochet and sometimes don’t even have to look at the item wihile watching TV. I have found comfort with knowing that when their friends tell me what they say about my hobby.
I know only too well how we that give of our time and talents feel … So now (apart from friends or those I choose to make for) crochet comfort blankets for a local Dogs’ Trust using yarn that has been very generously donated. Dogs, unlike humans, do not judge where their bedding comes from, or who made it . . .
Di: your entry reminded me of the time I use to make blankets in a group at church. The church provided me with the money to buy the yarn. I had five ladies in which we enjoyed fellowship. I ended up taking the blankets to a local nursing home. I would have preferred dividing it between the nursing homes and the homeless (have a special place in my heart for these, especially homeless veterans.) The others thought it was unthinkable to give to someone who could possibly be out on the streets. I had to laugh at your phrase “crochet Comfort blankets” because our group was part of the Compationate Ministries and ours in particular was called “Comfort Wraps”. The group ended up dissolving but I still feel a need to give again. I love the idea of making them for the dogs. What size to you make them. I just come off being sick so I want to start slow. Do strengh of yarn to you use? You really made my day when I read your entry.
I made a scarf for my mom, I made her look at patterns so she took the best, when i finished it she said it was beautiful, but i think that 2 years have past and she hasn’t worn it yet u,u what a shame, as the post says, i made it with love and effort, but in my house aparently no one apreciates crocheted stuff :/
My father told asked my husband if we needed money for xmas gifts so I didn’t “feel the need to make them”. Ugh.
I also slaved over a gorgeous purse and mailed it off to a friend. A few weeks later and I heard nothing, so I sent an email. “Oh, yeah, I got it. It’s … nice.” This was beautiful work I had done, and I wished I’d kept it for myself.
This year, there will be no crochet gifts except for my children. And me – who will appreciate them.
@Mellie – you have my permission to smack your dad a good one upside the head. Or better yet, take him to your LYS & show him the price tags. Even cheap yarn ain’t cheap any more!
When I make someone something, I wait and see if they use it, if I don’t see them use it, they will never get another thing from me (homemade or bought!). My mom was a dressmaker and she used to make all our clothes; when my daughter was born she made several dresses, crocheted and knitted layettes too. She had two boys and at last she had a girl which I gave her to let her daughter wear….she too said it was way too pretty and wrapped it away in tissue paper. My mom crocheted me several sweaters, a coat, a shawl and poncho which I wore while pregnant with my daughter. I still have the two coats and poncho and now that I am retired love to wear it when going for walks with the dog in the fall. I also found alot of crocheted centerpieces. While visiting from Poland, my grandmother crocheted me one very red woolen scarf which I still have; she passed away some 30 years ago! When my mother passed away last year, she left many unfinished afghans, a knitted scarf and a completed baby blanket. I am keeping the baby blanket in hopes my unmarried, childless son will soon marry and have a child at which time I will give him the blanket. Being a grandma, I recently rediscovered crocheting, knitting and sewing and am teaching myself to quilt, I really appreciate the work that goes into making these crafts and hopefully since my daughter doesn’t appreciate my handicraft, one day my grand-daughter will !
OTOH, I’m sure we all have a few “well worth it” stories to offset some of the horrors. F’rinstance:
On Sunday I got to spend a few hours visiting with my newlywed son & daughter-in-law & give them their wedding gift, a sampler afghan showing off my newfound love of lace knitting. (I won’t say I have MAD SKILLZ but I’ll brag a little & say I knitted my dress for their wedding, lol!) I’d deliberately included as many hearts & flowers as I could find, along with a few cables (how could I not put in “hugs & kisses”?) & some interesting textures.
The “oohs” and “ahhs” would have been wonderful enough, but the look of delighted surprise on my son’s face when they pulled back the tissue paper & saw what was inside was priceless! A little voice in the back of my head had said “make a movie…make a movie…” & I’m sooooooooooooooo glad I did. I’ll be able to relive that moment forever.
I just found this blog and this article, and I wanted to put in my comment. My grandma and aunts made tons and tons of crocheted clothes and blankets for me when I was a baby. I only have one blanket from them.
My mom gave away all the baby clothes when I outgrew them. But I wish she hadn’t. I wish I could have seen them and remembered the work my family put into them. I learned to crochet, but have a hard time giving things to people because I am always afraid they will think its silly. I made my cousin a blanket for her baby girl and they love it though, and two hats because she loved the first SO much. I have given scarves and shawls and blankets to people. Practical gifts. Things to be used.
My grandma and aunt made two outfits for my son, and a blanket for him. He sleeps with the blanket every night, along with a knitted one from his grandma (husbands mom)… While we did put him in the outfits for some pictures, they are a little…. feminine….. for a little boy.
But I have loved every yarny gift from my family and they in turn have loved mine to them. I think you have to either knit or crochet or watch someone do it to appreciate how much time goes into it, and also see how sturdy it all is.
We use the wash cloths, we use the blankets… I will stop using the blankets and clothes if they start to fall apart because I want to have them for a long long time so that we can appreciate the time and love that family put into the gifts.
That baby blanket from my family is one of my favorite things. Just that cheapy yarn from the late 70’s/early 80’s so its kinda scratchy, but I love it. It is stained and part of it fell apart, but you can see all the love in it.
I make a blanket for every friend who has a baby and I send them off with words of “I will be honored if you use this blanket, and it will hurt my heart if you just let it sit somewhere. If it gets dirty, wash it, if it wears out, let me know and I will make another one. But I put love into each stitch, and all that love needs somewhere to go!”
after reading some of the comments i could not help but smile. there are those whom receive a crocheted or knitted item made with love and thought for the person and they will make interesting comments.
with those whom act up and do not appreciate i do not give them homemade with love gifts anymore…it is called gift card.
i know the time and efforts taken to make gifts.
for example my dear friend made my family a sign to hang out front at christmas time which she cuts out of wood, carves by hand the name, design (ours is a snowman because i love snow and snowmen), paints carefully and then seals with a varnish. this is a beloved item.
keep going yarnies….crochet and knit for those you love and if they don’t love it then ‘phewy on them’. this is where i would suggest they donate to charity ! ha ha ha.
Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas to all whom have sore hands come Christmas eve.